May 10, 2010

A Day for my Mothers.

WARNING
I with all my heart, need to get this out, so please bare with me.
And I'm not really sure where the memories or the words are going to take me,
so with that said..
 here we go.

Mother's Day is always a little hard for me.
I have lost, I have gained and I have became a mother.
Loosing a Mother wasn't and isn't easy for me, even if it is 11 years later, I don't handle death well{like anyone does}. In the evening on a very rainy, April 3, 1999, I lost my mother, my friend, and the person who I truly loved no matter what anyone had to say about her. And Mothers Day is always a little empty without her. Today, 11 years later...I miss her smile, her laugh, her eyes, the way her voice chimed with excitement when she was telling me a story. How she compared our toes, that look exactly alike and how she told me angels always watched over me. The way her voice sounded when she would sing to me, it was like something out of a storybook. She was young, beautiful and had a heart full of gold.
But behind the smile, the laugh and those crystal blue eyes, was the hurt, addiction, and a battered soul. My mother was an addict. Major drug user and alcoholic. When she passed her cases of Cirrohsis of the Liver and HIV were at such an extreme, I was never told exactly which one took her life first.
From as far as I can remember I was raised to understand that even though a person does bad things, doesn't always mean they are a bad person. In her own little unconcious way she showed me the path to choose and was apart of molding me into who I am today, even though I may only get to tell her that in prayer now, I hope she knows. My Mother gave me a better life, before hers ended. And for that I cannot thank her enough.
I miss you everyday,
Your Chrrys

My Great Aunt was granted custody of me when I was 3.5 weeks old.
This is the Mother you hear so much about. She's the one who taught me to walk, talk and to sit like a lady, speak up, never shut up, be myself and never be ashamed of that. She was more than an Aunt, she is my mother and without her, I would be lost. She's my best friend, my confidant. She understands me, doesn't judge me, and sees me for who I am and accepts my flaw and imperfect personality... I could sit and hold her hand all day and just watch the day pass by. I love the way her hair smells and the way she always know how to make me feel like there is hope. She's the most hard working, strongwilled, courageous woman I've ever met. Without her love, her wisdom and her care, I wouldn't be the person or the mother I am today and for that I am truly blessed to have her in my life.  
I love you Mama,
Your Sweet Pea

Yesterday for Me was an amazing, I am so absolutely beyond blessed it's unfathomable really.
 I can't imagine being without my children or my children being without me.
My children are the life of me. When once, I was the life of me.
 It's funny how those things change when you give your heart to those precious ones. I dream of being a hero, a best friend and confidant in my childrens lives. With everything I have learned from my Mothers, I hope to be just as amazing for my own.
They deserve no less than the best, right?
So, thats what I intend to give them, for the rest of their lives.
With that said..
I hope you all took in the moments you had yesterday with your family.
Memories like those are the ones that you cherish for the rest of your life.

Happy Late Mama's Day to each and every Mama out there!
I hope your day was full of laughter and smiles!

And tomorrow we will be talking about shoes.
Just sayin'.

And for some reason Monday has been good to me.
 Thanks Monday, you rock for today.

Happy wishes for you and your Monday,

4 comments:

Rasha said...

Love your post love, its so you. I'm sorry for your losss, but know that they are so proud of you.

Adorable pics with your kiddos! They are so cute. Just like their mommy!

Happy Mothers day gorgeous.

Gabby said...

Oh lady, big hugs to you. I know you are making both of your mothers proud by being such a fantastic mom yourself. xo

Jen said...

Happy belated Mother's Day, Chrystal! I'm glad you enjoyed spending time as a mother with your adorable ones.

Rather than anything else, I think you are blessed to have had two mothers -- two women who have developed the woman you are. Your words about each of them are beautiful!

Sara said...

What a heartfelt post this is, Chrystal! You continue to amaze me with your upbeat attitude and happy spirit. Taking something that has to be so painful for you and turning it into something positive is such a statement to your character. Happy Mother's Day to you!!