January 26, 2010

ForgiveForgetMistakes.

There is something about the word forgive...
that makes me realize how much easier it is said than done.
When you're trying to forgive...
 not someone else, but yourself...


Why can't we forgive and even more...
why can't we forget...

I guess it's easier to forget when you've actually forgiven yourself..

But why are we so hard on ourselves?
Why do we let ourselves make mstakes??
I guess, because most of us are just imperfect humans....

This past weekend was not only amazing but one of the hardest.
You guys have to bare with me for a bit...
There's some things I need to let go of and get off my chest.....

Saturday I came face to face with the mistake that almost took the everything I ever wanted away from me.

Everything I ever wanted: Hubbs.
Mistake: A best friends cousin.

I will defend myself and say, nothing happened.
Because thats the truth.
Im not kicking myself over not being faithful...
Although, through tainted glass thats what it may seem, but thats just not the case.

Im kicking it simply because I let him happen.
I let him make me smile and laugh.

While Hubbs forgot that I was alive for that breif period of time.
I was lost...
I didn't know where to turn...

Shame on us..
for forgetting how strong our love is...

We passed this milestone 5 years ago...
 this weekend Hubbs came face to face with the mistake...
he was so brave...
Why was it so hard for me??

Hubbs forgave me...
It was like he had almost forgotten...
Forgiven and Forgotten actually.

Why hadn't I forgave myself?
Why couldn't I just forget?

I asked myself these questions over and over...
Saturday-Monday...
I came to the realization...

If the man I hurt can stand face to face with this mistake...
being so brave...

Why can't I?

So yesterday, after tearing myself into shreds over the weekend...
I am thankful for Hubbs...
If it wasn't for him showing his forgiveness and forgotten-ess...
I wouldn't be able to say today...

I forgive myself.
And it's finally time to start forgetting...
I finally realized I am inperfect and human.
I can make mistakes...
and I don't have to kick myself forever...

I am free today and forever..
To dance on the happiness that life gives me..
from here on out.

I love you Hubbs.
Thank you for being so brave.
And...
Thank You for loving my imperfectness.


7 comments:

carrie1 said...

I am glad you feel better!

And I am glad you have such a wonderful hubby to stand by you! =)

Caro said...

They are still a few good guys out there, you are lucky you got one of them.

Gabby said...

This is beautiful. Forgiveness can be so so tough. I'm glad you have such a wonderful man!

Rasha said...

Love this... Glad that he forgave you, he is great.... and forgiveness is so hard.. specially when its forgivin yourself.

Kristin said...

What a strong marriage you two must have. I know how hard forgiveness can be, but once you achieve it it's such a weight off your shoulders isn't it?

bananas. said...

oh lady...that was beautiful! what a man you've got there.

i know with me i am hardest on myself. in my current situation with toxicness, i keep kicking myself when i should be them. i don't easily forgive but when i do, i rarely forget.

Tara Gibson said...

what a great post! your blog is too cute