The Land of Snow..

Let's Rewind a little...before the Land of Snow....

Falling in love with the man of my dreams happened way before my Junior year of high school..... But that was pure Puppy Love. We met at a local Skating Rink, Mega Rec. It was love at first sight! Haha ! Back then he was the heart throb of every little girl skating around that place, but who knew, the boy that was my first kiss would turn out to be the man I would call my Soulmate, Husband, Companion and the Father of our Beautiful Children. He was everything I had ever imagned. Handsome, Funny, and Trustworthy. September 27, 2003 we met again. So I avoided him, playing hard to get for a few weeks before I gave into meeting up with him at a party in town that night. Being 16 and in high school, its all about the fun. Partying was exactly what was on my mind....and before I knew it, he was all that was on my mind. That wasn't suppose to happen, I was crazy about him all over again.

So I met his amazing family. They were everything I dreamt about a family being. His family was HUGE, I was so amazed at how close everyone was, how much they cared and loved one another. I fell in love with them. They accepted me for who I was and who I wasn't. The complete opposite of what my family was. His mother and father are so deeply in love it shines through their eyes, his grandmother and grandfather are the most amazing people I've ever met till this day. Justin's father is such a kind, loving, and hardworking man. He took me under his wing, loved me, and made me feel like his own daughter. I couldn't thank him enough for being such an amazing fatherly figure to me when I didn't have one in my life. He was there for me when my own father wasn't.

Justin made the decision along with his Brother Lee and Cousin Keith to join the United States Coast Guard summer of 04'. I was scared of him leaving, he was all I had to hold me up when I needed someone the most. So, September of 04' they set off on a journey to serve our country and I was so lost without him. We have been through a lot and I thank God he brought us through all of it. He graduated in October 2004 and he asked me to marry him a week later and my heart was filled with all the joy in the world, my dreams were coming true, I was actually going to spend the rest of my life with the love of my life and he soon started living in Wisconsin. I visited him from time to time...Christmas Break and Valentines day. I filled his room with Red Balloons and in different balloons there was a note and he had to find all the balloons with notes inside. I missed him Oh So Much, everyday I missed him, the distance was so hard, but I believe that a strong love can conquer all, then graduation night came, I said goodbye to my friends that I had been with for 13 years and 2 days later I said goodbye to my family, his family and the town I grew up in and moved on...to the land of snow.

May 28, 2005....I was ecstatic getting off that plane in Green Bay. I was over joyed and ready to run and jump into the arms of my lover, and I did just that. We had an amazing time with friends he had made and introduced me to. This place was beautiful, quiet and had the most amazing sunsets I've ever seen. We decided to get married before he left for SK A School in Petaluma, California, it was a beautiful day, July 9, 2005. The Sun was shinning and my heart was beating out of my chest. I was anxious and I joked with my friend Krista about running away to Mexico...but I would never turn away from this man, he completed me. I was more than ready to walk down that path and to the edge of that beautiful lake.

I was Mrs. Justin Underwood. So only about a month after we got married Justin left for SK school in Cali, I was completely lost without him. So I caught a plane to Petaluma a week before his graduation. We stayed in the hotel there on base and hung out with his A school buddies, it was a great time. After graduation, we flew back to Bama, we had a second wedding being planned, one that all of our families could attend, in the moutains.. in Gatlinburg, Tn. It was beautiful and we stayed in a cabin, in the "honeymoon" suite. I definitley got everything I could ask for. So we went back to Alabama after the wedding, knowing in a few short weeks, we would be starting a new life, 12 hours away and then the big suprise came around that I was Pregnant, with our first little one!

The Begining Of Me.

Born to Sylvia and Brad Chapman, I was born into a world of chaos and confusion, but I soon figured out who I was and what dreams are made of! After being sold, yes sold... back and forth to my Great Aunt and Uncle for drug money, finally when I was 3.5 weeks old my Aunt and Uncle were granted Custody of me until my Biological parents could clean their acts up, that never happened, so a blessing in disguse if you will, atomatically happened.

I was raised in Royal, Alabama with 2 of the most LOVING people ever, Jimmy and Jerry Little. It was like a dream, a fairytale, I had so many people who loved me and I couldn't have been spoiled enough, Daddy's little girl, Momma's little Angel. Brought into a family with 6 other brother and sisters wasn't always the funnest for me, jealousy was a big issue, but hey I was alive and happy. Growing up, I was the center of attention, ADHD had A LOT to do with it. I was different from all of them, hyper and outgoing!

As I grew up, I come to realize I had another part to me, that was missing, and it wasn't my biological parents, it was a sister, Amanda. Different father's, Same Mother. She lived with My grandfather and was soon adopted by her new parents Jim and Sheree' Grose. Being that we lived in 2 totally different places, we never really seen much of each other. When we did it was usually on Birthday Parties or Holiday get together's and some throughout the summer. She lived a completly different life than I did. She was the "good grandchild" and I was treated as "The Outcasted One". My grandfather didn't try to hide his favortism for her and completly normal, I was jealous, hurt and confused as to why his love for her was stronger than his love for me.

Our Biological mother, Sylvia, made attempts to see us on occasion, usually our birthday parties, and she would always be intoxicated or completly stoned. At the end of the parties before Amanda or I left, she would always force us, and yes I say force, to hug and to say I love you to one another. My mother's childhood wasn't the best, she was also jealous of her sister, because of the love her sister was showered with from my grandfather. She was beaten, battered and betrayed by her father, my grandfather, and my sister wonders why she turned out the way she did. Why her descisions were so horrible, she was just screaming for a little attention. She lived a life none other than the life of Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll. So of course my mother only wanted my sister and I to love each other unconditionally, to replace what she didn't have with her very own sister, I now understand my mothers unselfish love.

Growing up and telling this very confusing story, Ive come to realize, that without my mother's love, I wouldn't have the life I've lived. She gave us away to people she knew could provide for us and love us. Keep us out of harms way, and that is what love is. My mother died when I was 11 from HIV and Cirrhosis of the Liver. She was a drug addict and alcoholic. But within her heart, was a beautiful person, screaming to be set free and weeks before she passed, I watched my mother give her life to Jesus Christ. It was an amazing experience for me, it comforts me to know my mother is One out of a many angels watching over me. My mother's death wrote a lesson that was engraved into my mind from then, till now, a picture in my mind, that I wish I could forget but then sometimes Im glad I have it to hold on to. Seeing my mother at the age of 36 laying in a coffin, suddenly changed my life, I seen what could happen if I let the drug and alcohold take over my life, I vowed from that day, to steer away and not become one of those statistics.

So on with my confusing story, before my mother passed I went through a stage of depression and starvation. I was anorexic and screaming for something more than love, I was fighting for self acceptence. I've been up and Ive been down. But I overcame this disease, finally when I was 14. Being a teenage girl, of course I knew it all and I was right all the time, but just this once, I wish that if I never listened to my Mom (Jerry) again, I had listened to her just this once. I fell head over heels with a country boy, a boy that my Daddy would swoon over, and that he did and so did I. We dated for a year, within that year, I was happy, in love, but confused with this thing called love, being that he was 4 years older, he was more experienced with this thing they called love and I wanted it, even if it meant giving up my innocence.

I gave him my innocence, once willing, the other times, I screamed inside, STOP. But no one could hear my plea! My mother found out about the times he hit me, the times I wanted him to stop and he didn't, I had suddenly changed from this innocent girl to this woman, I had no innocence. It hurt, I hurt, my Daddy did nothing, not even a word, a look...he let it be. What was going on? My Daddy was my hero, he was suppose to rise against this awful man and take this pain away from me, because, thats what little girl's believe their Daddy's do. My brother went into a rage. He wanted him dead, but protecting me was more important to him, they exchanged words and the cowboy went away and never returned, Thank God. So with many therapy sessions, I finally accepted that what that cowboy did to me was wrong and I deserved to be respected as the woman I was becoming and I tried to move on, but I had been scarred. So scarred that the only love I could find was the boys who hurt me and wouldn't love me back.

So finally I turned 16 and the road was mine, I was finally free. So I dated a couple different people, that turned out to be heartbreakers, but there was that last guy that turned my head and made my heart beat like a million beats per second. Someone Daddy wouldn't totally approve of, he was 20 and in college, he was my bad boy. He was my first kiss and the man I knew I was going to be with....Forever. Finally I had found that someone, that treated me with the respect everyone was telling me about.....he picked me up when I fell, he helped me dust my self off and healed my wounds.

My Daddy was that man, that I could trust, I loved with everything, he was the one man who had all my respect. He was the only man that hadn't broken my heart into thousands of little peices. My junior year, I was thriving, in love, and having the best time of my life with this amazing guy..then my world came tumbling down around, everything I knew to be a true love and strong tower, came crumbling on top of my head. My father had cheated, cheated? What did that mean, I lost all sense of what that meant, my father....the one who showed all respect towards my mother, the home maker...the one that waited on him hand and foot for 28 years...how could this happen, she loved him with everything, she put her life on hold and treated him like a king....everything he ever told me was a lie. He lied, how can a man you love, respect and trust so much, hurt someone so bad....leave them with nothing.

They finally divorced the summer of my Senior year....he wasn't living with us, but with my Maw Maw across the pasture, I could look out my kitchen window and see him, my heart hurt, i felt abandoned. I invited him to my graduation, he promised he would be there, I never seen him that night, I was like a little girl again, after a dance recital, waiting for my Daddy to run to me and tell me how beautiful and how amazing I was, but he never even showed. I was yet broken again. 2 days after graduation, I moved 18 hours away from the pain, hurt, and everything I ever knew, to be with the ONE man, who had loved me more than anyone ever did, he was my safecover, he was a bridge that could hold me up in the strongest of all storms....finally, I had found what dreams were really made of....